Separation Anxiety

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Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety is a stage that begins when babies start to comprehend that people and things exist even when they are not present. It is basically a concept known as object permanence. Most infants or toddlers express their feeling of anxiety and get upset at being separated from parents. It is indeed frustrating for both parents and kids. However, the good news is that such a feeling will pass and with the help of a few strategies, you can make it less stressful. Here are some of the common questions raised by new mothers on separation anxiety.

  1.    When is separation anxiety commonly developing in a child?

Babies begin to show the signs as early as 6 months. However, for some babies, it starts between 10 to 18 months. As the children turn 2, it tends to ease up.  It mostly occurs when you leave your baby to rejoin office or your business. Babies also experience the signs of separation anxiety during the night when they are tucked in the crib and you are sleeping in the next room. When babies are around 24 months old, this feeling eases and kids are easier to manage.

Separation Anxiety
  1.    How can I help my kid as a mother to cope with it?

Well, there are many things you could do as a mother to help your baby tackle separation anxiety. If the need arises that you have to leave your baby, always try to leave him with people he is familiar with like a grandmother, grandfather or aunt. Although your baby may continue to protest, eventually he will learn to adjust when he is surrounded with known people. But, if you have to leave your baby with a caretaker, you should ensure that he is being taken care of in your presence in the initial days. Fix a time when you have to say a goodbye to your baby daily. This helps your baby to get used to the routine that is predictable.

  1.    How can I prepare my child for separation?

Gradually, allow your child to get accustomed to the idea. You may leave your child with a caretaker or a family member, but it’s important to follow some of the suggestions. It becomes a lot easier for your child to accept your absence, especially if he is the one initiating a separation. For instance, let your baby crawl off to the other room independently and give it a break for a few minutes before you go to him. It is always best if you tell your child; you are going to work and would have to leave the room. Also, assure your child that you will be back soon. This way, your baby will understand that things will be okay in your absence and you will come back to him. Remember to make it a point to tell your child that you have to leave home for work or shopping and would be back before the day ends. Most parents leave their homes without letting the child know which makes separation anxiety tougher to deal with.

I Have Difficulty Connecting With My Teenage Son. How Should I Go About It?

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Most parents find it difficult to handle the progression of a parent-child relationship when the child reaches adolescence. At such a stage in their life, they undergo several cognitive and physical changes. They are developing separate personalities and wish to try out their distinct wishes and ways of life. This brings them in direct conflict with their parents. They wish to try their distinct opinions and that is where they come in conflict. It also arises as a way of refuting what their parents want them to do or how they want them to behave.

It is necessary to insist on certain principles that they need to adhere to. Setting limits on usage of technology, curfew timings to fix when they come back home, contributing to housework and the way they need to behave or responsibilities towards their class assignments are some aspects where ground rules should apply. However, besides that, try and be a friend and wish to know how their day went or simply lend them a year. They wish to be able to confide in someone about what happened in school or their troubles among friends. Simply listen and do not judge unless there is something you feel strongly against. Even then, make your suggestions as a friend rather than a parent whose rules must be followed.

I Have Difficulty Connecting With My Teenage Son.

As teenagers, mostly like to be with friends and think that their parents are not of the same mindset, changing that opinion can go a long way to making your teenage child be close to you. Allow them to vent their emotions, express themselves without fear of being chastised or being lectured to. As your child moves into adolescence he or she needs a friend and that is the approach you should take.

When Do I Need To Seek A Tutor For My Child?

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Nowadays tuition has become almost a thing taken for granted for children. Most children in secondary or middle school need assistance in certain subjects or all of them. However, many kids seem to get into it quite early or so it might seem as a decision among parents. If you are wondering whether you need to follow the trend as well or understand the real requirement behind it, here are some points to consider.

Tuition class is required if you find that, despite your best efforts to help your child in certain subjects, they seem to be falling behind in their grades. You need to meet with the teachers concerned in order to understand what they feel is the reason behind such failings. If you have not been giving your child time to assist him or her in their studies, you might see improvement as soon as you assist him or her and ensure that they are following class assignments and doing their homework as well.

A Tutor For My Child

For higher classes, if your assistance fails to get your child the requisite scores, it might be a good time to seek tutorial assistance. Often it is not the grasp of the subject, but a definite approach that is required. As the curriculum differs in different education systems, following the pattern when it comes to finishing homework or tackling problems might become important. Hence, all you need to do is understand the approach the school asks the kids to take. If your child is unable to cope with assignments given or you are unable to give time for assisting them, it would be wise to refer to a tutor who has experience in tutoring kids in the same education system and in the subjects your child needs help with.

Why Is My Toddler Aggressive?

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Why Is My Toddler Aggressive?

If your toddler shows aggressive behavior you might be shocked from the same as well as other onlookers. There are certain reasons for which a toddler might showcase aggressive behavior such as a fierce desire to make independent choices, impulse control that is undeveloped as well as language skills that are emerging and not yet developed.

Most child specialists state that some form of biting or hitting is normal amongst toddlers. However, you need to show that aggressive behavior is not acceptable and direct such aggressiveness into better or more creative channels of expression.

What can I do when my toddler shows aggression?

When your toddler shows aggression you need to keep your cool. Most parents might yell, hit or tell their child not to do something. However, it is more important to show instances of positive behavior that he or she can do which will not get the child riled up. Remember that, if you show control of your temper, they will learn likewise from you. Here are some points to keep in mind:

  •         Define clear limits

Toddlers and children, in general, need to have clear limits set. If he or she showcases aggressive behavior, remove the child from the situation and make them sit out for some time, about a minute or two. This gives them a chance to cool down and then will connect the behavior they did along with the consequence of a timeout.

  •         Good behavior should be reinforced

Instead of always chastising your toddler when they are doing something naughty, show encouragement for the good behaviors they do. If you find your child, helping someone, praise that behavior. When you reinforce good behavior they will want to see that appreciation from you and resort to doing things that are acceptable and good.

  •         Logical consequences of actions

If a child is doing something wrong like throwing a ball at other children, make them sit out and watch others play. Explain to your child that they can play only if they are ready to get back and play in a way that does not hurt other children.

  •         Discipline in a consistent manner

Ensure that you respond to any showcase of aggressiveness the same way. If you allow some incident to go unnoticed, you would be sending mixed signals. Toddlers learn the limits of acceptable behavior based on the response of their parents. Hence, you need to be consistent in showcasing little tolerance for the right kind of behavior your toddler does. If you ignore some and show your disapproval in certain cases, he or she will get unclear signals. You can also allow your toddler to show his or her anger in certain instances. However, encourage them to say sorry as well. Even if they do not mean it initially, the lesson will sink in.

  •         Encourage physical activities

Often toddlers get aggressive as they have a lot of energy building in themselves which might not get an adequate outlet. Reduce screen time that they get in front of a television, computer or tablet and get them to play with the playmates indoors or outdoors.

Behavior Problems Of Two Year Old Kids

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When you know that your two-year-old is misbehaving frequently, it’s time to take some action to ensure that it works positively. Some of the common questions raised by parents on the behavioral pattern of their two years old have been discussed below.

  1.    Why does my child get aggressive?

Well, you may be watching your little boy playing in the park and thinking how lucky you are to have him. Then suddenly you find him whacking another child in the face. It may seem shocking to you and you are clueless as to how to react at that very moment. Aggression is very normal and is a part of children’s development. Children at this age have a desire to do things on their own and get impulsive to get physical. Biting and hitting is normal as 2-year-old children are always focused on words ‘mine’ and ‘me’.  Your 2-year-old kid’s behavior may certainly worry and embarrass you as it’s not right to allow him to hurt other kids.  This doesn’t mean that you have raised a bully. You can definitely control his behavior by consistently letting your kid know that such acts are not acceptable. Show your kid different ways of expressing his feelings as this largely helps him to get friendly with others.

  1.    How do I deal with his aggressive behavior?

The best way to deal with such behavior is to respond instantly. Respond as soon as you notice your child is behaving in an aggressive manner. It is best to tell him immediately that he has done something inappropriate. Try removing him from the current situation for a short while may be for a few seconds or minutes. This way, he will understand that if he behaved badly, he would miss out on all the fun.

Two Year Old Kids

When you see your 2-year-old is throwing balls and toys at other kids in the play area, take him out. Make him watch others playing and explain that he can be a part of the fun again if he decides not to hurt anyone. Regardless of how furious you may be on him, avoid yelling, hitting or telling your kid that he is bad. Instead, make him change his behavior as it helps when you learn to control your temper. If you show your bad temper, he will definitely follow your footsteps sooner or later.

  1.    Should I reward him when he behaves well?

Rewarding your kid is as important as telling your kid that he is wrong when he makes a mistake. Avoid paying attention only when he misbehaves and notice his good behavior as well. If he shares his toy with his friends instead of snatching it like always, praise him generously. Tell him that you are so proud to have a son like him. This way, your kid will realize how strong kindness can be. Try to reward him with his favorite toy or snack when he keeps his temper under control.

Toddlers And Their Common Fears

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Toddlers And Their Common Fears

It is only normal for toddlers to be fearful. Anxiety is a natural condition after all that helps them cope with new challenges and protects from danger. Toddlers are most commonly frightened of certain things like the dark, bugs, vacuum cleaners or dogs. If you look from a broader perspective, some toddlers are even afraid of meeting unfamiliar people or to face new situations. Kids have a tendency of being frightened at this age as they have a higher imagination which makes them terrified of the things. Here are some of the questions raised by worrying parents about kids and their fears.

Toddlers And Their Common Fears
  1.    How can I ease the fear of my child?

Most of the fears of your child fade as he or she begins to feel more secure. It is even better when they are able to differentiate between fantasy and reality. In the meanwhile, you can use the strategies to make your child better manage his fears. It may not happen overnight but may take a few days, months or years for your kid to overcome a fear. Some fears may look irrational for most parents, but for kids, it is a serious one. Avoid smiling or laughing when your child starts looking for monsters in the house. It is important to reassure and comfort your child and make them understand that it is alright to have such fears and not make fun of it.

  1.    What should I watch out for to deal with my child’s fears?

There is a certain amount of anxiety or fear necessary and it’s only normal to find it in toddlers. Some younger kids require additional help to keep far far away so that it is less disturbing. You can consult your child’s doctor to understand the following points.

  •         If your child’s fear is interfering with his normal day to day activities on a regular basis, it can lead to complications. He may not want to go to bed as he may be scared of darkness or insists on staying indoors for the fear of seeing a dog outside.
  •         Your child’s fears may be getting more intense over time and this could be a symptom of a phobia which is basically a persistent fear that is irrational. There may be instances that he is so frightened that it’s almost impossible to calm him down. I had a friend from here that had this problem with his daughter but was able to get help from their doctor.

When you notice the following signs, you should seek the help of a doctor or a therapist.

  1.    What to do if my child is terrified of doctors?

To help your child meet the doctor, it is important to do some role playing activity on what happens when you visit a doctor. You can allow your child to perform the role of the doctor as it can help him feel better. Avoid sharing your own fears in front of your child as it can only worsen the condition. For instance, if you are terrified of dogs, do not express it when your child is around. Pretend that you are okay with dogs and they are not harmful. This way, they will get friendly with dogs and overcome their fear.

My Teenage Daughter Keeps Averting The Rules I Set For Coming Back Home. How Should I React?

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My Teenage Daughter Keeps Averting The Rules I Set For Coming Back Home. How Should I React?

Most teenagers test the limits that their parents set. One of them is the time limit for when they need to be home. However, even if your child does seem to ignore the limits does not mean you lax by them. You need to first assess whether the time limit you are setting is unrealistic. For instance, in case he or she is repeatedly coming home later than the deadline, you set; it could be an unrealistic one. The best way to check this aspect is to reach out to other parents. Get to know what kind of curfew timings they set. Once you check that out with, other parents, you will know whether what you are doing is reasonable for your son or daughter or not.

It is also important to understand your child’s whereabouts and how trustworthy he or she is handling them. If you are confident that they can handle themselves while out in public and would keep their safety in mind, speak to them clearly about that. State that you trust that they know what they are doing, but the time of coming home is something they need to adhere to.

Even if it means that you lock horns with your child at times, it is important to let them know what are the rules that they cannot break or bend. It might be fine to extend the curfew timing by a few minutes but nothing more. Once your child has realized these points, rest easy. If he or she is more or less on time most days, allow them to be late sometimes when they call in and let you know that they are stuck somewhere. That will help in building the bond of trust between you and your child.

My Teenage Son Seems To Be On His Phone Or Laptop All The Time. Is It Healthy?

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Teenagers are seen to be constantly engaging in texting, instant messaging and talking on their phones. It seems to create the world around them and makes them less communicative with their parents. However, the solution does not lie in making them stop communicating or using electronic devices. It is vital for teens to be surrounded by their friends for which networking with them is important and healthy even.

teenagers with laptop

What you can do is look at the big picture and ensures that your child is doing fine in general. For instance, if he or she is doing the chores you ask them to do in the house, is doing well in his or her school and does not run away from family life entirely, then it is simply a normal teenager being surrounded by their real friends, virtually all the time. If you recall, even in the olden times with landline connections, teenagers were found to be on the phone most of the time. Hence, the need to communicate and stay connected with their friends has not changed; technology is giving them more options these days.

What you can do is set some ground rules. Communicate clearly with your child about the excesses of technology and the adverse effects. Explain the sites or the activities online that are not healthy and how they can affect them. You can monitor their sites and be open about it. Set ground rules about not texting or looking at their phone while having dinner. All children want rules that help to define what they should or should not do. Being firm about such principles will help them know the boundaries that lie and what they should not cross.

My Teenage Child Seems To Reject All My Suggestions. How Do I Deal With This?

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Teenagers can make it hard for parents. Indeed, many parents might think that their kids will not rebel against them when they reach such years but that is wishful thinking. Teenagers often exhibit different kinds of difficult behavior such as talking back to their parents, staying out later than expected and doing other rebellious things.

Those who are psychiatric experts usually point out that, teenage is a time when kids become hard wired to rebel against what their parents want them to do or suggest. The period of adolescence is usually a time when kids undergo several changes, both in the cognitive sense as well as physically. Teenagers usually distance themselves from their parents at such a time and hire them back, but want them to play a consultative role with them rather than a managerial one.

teen

When you find that your teen daughter who could not sleep without you by your side is now snickering at every suggestion you make, it is a behavioral pattern that you have seen before; as a toddler a child is also rebellious, wanting his or her preferred toy or dress to wear. At teenage the behavior becomes more complex as she might just roll her eyes at you, leaving you feeling exasperated and bewildered.

You need to understand that your teenage child is becoming a separate individual at such a point. They need to reject their parents and what they say and do simply because they need to find their own identities. They also seem to focus more on their friends than to their parents. Even if you feel hurt by their rejection, you need to still be there for them. Adolescents put their parents through an emotional roller coaster that they also feel themselves. You need to stay calm and try and weather this phase of rebellion. It usually stabilizes by the time they reach sixteen or seventeen years of age. However, allowing them to behave, how they wish to should not be at the expense of breaching behavioral standards. If they curse or talk back nastily, that is where you need to be firm. Let them know that, if they cannot say something nice, then they should not report at the first place. Your firmness will lay an example for your kids and help them fall in line, whether they admit it or not.

What Is The Pre-Teen Phase?

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When children reach the age between 9 and 12, they want very little or merely nothing from parents. Their pre-adolescent is different from what it was a year or two ago. They change physically, socially, emotionally and cognitively. This is because they develop a new feeling of independence and want to figure out how far they can push restrictions set by parents. They fail to understand that they need parents as much as ever. When there is a strong relationship between parents and children, especially at this age, there is less room for a disturbed adolescence. However, it is not easy as parents should understand the needs of their children at this age to keep the relationship strong and going. Some of the tips below will help parents cope with the sudden changes in their preteens.

Pre-Teen Phase

Why do I feel dejected when my kids behave a certain way?

It is alright for kids to begin turning away from parents or guardians and depend more on friends. This kind of withdrawal can make some parents feel dejected. They take it too personally as it is the sudden change they see in them. As a parent, you should be wary of extracting information forcefully from your kid. This is the phase when kids really begin to keep secrets and parents with a low level of tolerance for this sudden change may want to know every little thing. They end up being too inquisitive, which can lead to a big disconnect between parents and kids. Therefore, you should take it easy and give adequate space and time so that they open up on their own.

How do I bond with my tween child?

It is most often difficult for pre-teens to talk to their parents openly without hesitation. It is important to dedicate special timings once or twice a week by parents to spend it with their teens. Provide undivided attention without doing other things simultaneously like working on your laptop or texting someone. By doing so, you will improve your relationship and also teach interpersonal skills at the same time. This is going to be useful in the future for your pre-teens. Quality time is the key that creates a good bonding with the kids. Most often parents overlook this as kids don’t show any interest to spend time with them. However, you should continue doing it without any excuses. This crucial tip will help you raise your pre-teens in a better way.